I hate when chocolate kisses melt in my gym bag and ruin my unused work out clothes.
— Paula Pell (@perlapell) March 24, 2015
When God closes a window, he opens a tab
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) March 27, 2015
Gonna start calling all these sexist trolls him- orrhoids
— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) March 27, 2015
“jade” is such a ‘90s word for “teal”
— Anne Helen Petersen (@annehelen) March 23, 2015
I'm just not cut out to be a person.
— June O'Hara (@juneohara65) March 24, 2015
Hub: What's this?
Me: A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in & I'm a little closer to freedom.
Hub: *puts $100 in*
Me:...
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) March 22, 2015
Kinda wanna eat a jar of peanut butter, kinda wanna nap, kinda wanna punch a stranger. Being a woman is hard.
— heather lou* (@heatherlou_) March 22, 2015
If you don't like dogs.. I don't like you.
— CoCo Nutz (@in_cognico) March 24, 2015
I think "uggggh carry meeee" way too much for an adult.
— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) March 24, 2015
i think we all know whose feelings have been hurt the most by one direction and that's north west
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) March 25, 2015
I stuck my hand into a coin-filled fountain and used $3.99 of other people's wishes to buy a burrito.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) March 25, 2015
if you wanna get your period just wear your nicest, fanciest underwear and let karma do the rest
— Sandy Honig (@sandyhonig) March 24, 2015
feeling really betrayed by my face's decision to start exhibiting glare wrinkles before laugh lines
— Alexandria Symonds (@a_symonds) March 23, 2015
A teen movie where in order to look good at the dance the girl is encouraged to wear glasses and pull her hair back.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 27, 2015
So Zayn was Ginger Spice all along?
— Hillary Busis (@hillibusterr) March 25, 2015
a fun thing to do when you leave a room is to loudly announce where you're going and tell a random stranger to hold your calls
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) March 23, 2015
There comes a time in a lady's life when she has more hair knotted around her elastic than her male suitors have covering their heads
— Colette McIntyre (@calledcolette) March 26, 2015
I love to travel!
from my bed to my couch to my office chair to the subway to my bed to my couch to my office chair to the bathroom to
— Lynn Bixenspan (@lynnbixenspan) March 27, 2015
i live every day in fear my gchat records will somehow be used against me in a court of law
— Kasia Galazka (@supergalaxy) March 27, 2015
good lesbian porn title = "L Word Scissorhands"
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 26, 2015
Receiving people's resumes really makes you realize how many people have last names that sound like body parts
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) March 27, 2015 Read More http://ift.tt/1EMf719
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